It’s very rare that any un-funny comedian can get the world to unanimously agree with something they’ve posted on Myspace – the ultimate out-dated internet fad. Yet amazingly, Dane Cook managed just that last summer when he made it abundantly clear via his blog that he was not happy with the poster for My Best Friend’s Girl.
“Here are a few things that truly blow about my upcoming movie poster to promote the release of the film opening on September 19th:
1. Graphics:
Whoever photoshopped our poster must have done so at taser point with 3 minutes to fulfill their hostage takers deranged obligations. They should have called Donnie Hoyle and had him give a tutorial using “You Suck at Photoshop” templates. This is so glossy it makes Entertainment Weekly look wooden.
2. My head:
The left side of my face seems to be melting off of my skull. I guess I am looking directly into the Ark of the Covenant? Are they going for the bells palsy thing here? My left side looks like Britney Spears’ vagina.”
It goes on but you get the point. What Cook did with this blog was highlight that the power of photoshop was ruining any creativity left in the poster making business. Posters, like trailers, are so important and can get people into the cinema who wouldn’t usually be interested. Classic and original posters not only adorn dorm rooms and front rooms across the globe, they also fetch a pretty penny. So, with that in mind, here are a few recent choice posters that prove how shoddy modern marketing can be.
Sex and the City 2
The official poster was only released last week and had mixed reactions. Of course, the fashion savvy were only interested in her outfit but whilst looking at the total product, what the hell is going on here? The vital fifth character, New York, is shrouded in silver and looks like it’s collapsing, the big “2″ in the middle is bloody off-putting and those offensively big glasses with a reflection of sand (spoiler?) are more offensive than that big flower dress. More importantly, it’s not selling the film or doesn’t even seem appropriate. That colour pallete would be more suited to a sci-fi and the stupid caption – ‘Carrie On’ – is as annoying as the first – ‘Get Carried Away’. Also, is it us, or aren’t there four women in SATC?
He’s Just Not That Into You
It’s probably a bit harsh to put this in there since the idea makes perfect sense; it’s a rom-com therefore it’s about love therefore Love Hearts is a good fit, but it’s just dull. An all-white background filled with the cast list is boring and lame and uninteresting. And above all else, Bradley Cooper is in this, so it seems wrong that they didn’t include some kind of gratuitous shot of him. Hopefully The A – Team will include some of that…
The Bounty Hunter
Another just released poster that has completely gotten our goat is The Bounty Hunter, yet another rom-com for Jennifer Aniston with an ending we can all see long before we even see it. The story revolves around a bounty hunter (Gerard Butler) who learns his ex-wife is his next target – sounds a bit like Mr and Mrs Smith – and judging by the handcuffs they go on a run across America – sounds a bit like the unbelievably awesome Midnight Run. Anyway, the problem as always is Aniston’s distractingly photoshopped skinny waist and the day-glo font. Yes, the font matters.
Wanted
Yet another poster that would’ve been perfectly fine had the Hollywood Size Zero police not reared their ugly head. Yes Angelina Jolie is skinnier than in her blood vial-wearing days but why does her arm look like a wet noodle? If it was really that size the tattoo needle would’ve gone straight into her bone marrow and there’s no way she be able to lift up that awesome gun. Also, where is her neck?
Good Luck Chuck
Mr Cook is back and this time, it’s personal. Well, these posters are a personal attack on our retinas, so it kind of counts. The first choice was supposed to be a funny riff on the iconic John Lennon/Yoko Ono Rolling Stone cover but thanks to some awful photoshopping and the fact that they didn’t even get Cook or Jessica Alba to pose for them, it looked like a bad joke. Even worse was that the other two versions (here and here) were just as bloody bad. No wonder Cook was pissed.
So come on people, tell us what your most hated movie poster is.
