My Bloody Valentine 3-D Review

My Bloody Valentine 3-D film still
  • Released

    January 16, 2009

Score

Reasons to watch My Bloody Valentine 3-D? One gratuitous sequence in which an arse-naked floozy runs around for fully five minutes before ending up as pick-axe fodder. And one great kill that sends a jawbone flying out of the screen. Beyond that, you’d be better off driving a blunt metal object through your own skull.

Director Patrick Lussier used to be Wes Craven’s regular editor. Clearly, he learned very little. Having previously helmed the painful White Noise 2, Lussier gives us a similarly unscary slasher boasting abysmal performances (by Supernatural star Jensen Ackles, The Spirit’s Jaime King and Final Destination’s Kerr Smith) worthy of its awful script (from Jason X’s Todd Farmer) about a killer miner (‘fraid so) on the rampage in a small town.

As for the 3-D? Keep waiting for Avatar.

Anticipation

3-D you say? Maybe it’ll get us excited about Avatar. 2

2

Enjoyment

You’ve seen all this before. But here there’s an added dimension… of boredom.

1

In Retrospect

The endless parade of 2-bit slashers has gone way beyond tiresome.

1
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