Red Cliff

Six years after his risible Hollywood tech-thriller Paycheck, John Woo goes back to Asia to whip up nothing less than the most expensive Chinese-language picture ever. Those pins and needles in your backside should tell you it’s got to be one of the longest, too. Mercifully spliced down into one whopping 150-minuter from its original two-part, five-hour cut, the story sees rebel kingdoms unite against the tyrannical Prime Minister in 208 AD China.

It takes a good hour for Woo’s giant, lumbering neo-epic to start rolling. Asian all-stars Tony Leung and Takeshi Kaneshiro crank up their best brooding looks, struggle to find some depth in their rice-paper-thin characters and generally wait around for the director to light the fuse on his next set-piece.

Thankfully, as slow and traditional as it is, Red Cliff just gets better and better once it catches fire in the second half. An amazing extended camera shot follows a dove (well, a pigeon) across an entire fleet of ships and men to soar between the two warring armies. A terrific ‘arrow-collecting’ sequence sees a tiny fleet allow themselves to be pin-cushioned by enemy archers – only to sail home with their ammunition.

But nothing prepares you for the extraordinary final third: a 1,000-strong armada of battleships in a blazing 45-minute assault on their enemy. Hands down, one of the most remarkable extended siege sequences you’ll ever see.

Jonathan Crocker

Anticipation:

John Woo is tainted goods around these parts.

Enjoyment:

Arse numbing but eye boggling.

In Retrospect:

It's all about that final scene...